


springtime reflections.

by seothighs



Series: christmas memories. [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun-centric, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, car accident (past mentions), christmas memories sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-09-28 07:31:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17178590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seothighs/pseuds/seothighs
Summary: it is a wonderfully cursed thing to be able to love someone, and jung jaehyun knows that all too well.





	1. I

jung jaehyun stood at the window of his apartment, watching raindrops freefall in the air silently. 

 

it was quiet as he watched the spring storm converge in the sky, flashes of thunder glinting amongst the clouds. the chirps of birds outside had long gone silent, the sounds of traffic muted as he watched the thunderstorm occur, fingertips tracing the drops of water against the windowpane mindlessly.

 

this was not a rare occurrence; after the accident, jaehyun had changed considerably. he was no longer the exuberant, life-loving man that his friends and family knew- he’d become quieter, more reserved. 

 

the sound of a phone ringing broke the silence, making jaehyun frown as he grabbed the offending device, tapping on the screen to answer the call.

 

“hello?”

 

“jaehyun? it’s me.” 

 

* * *

 

_ “you have to let me see him,” he begged, voice hoarse. his head is pounding, and for some reason, he feels heavy, as if stones are settling in his veins. the nurse could only look at him with pity, shaking their heads. _

 

_ “you must rest, mr. jung. the doctor has limited your movement for a reason,” she tries to explain, her voice catching in her throat as the sound of a commotion outside the room across from jaehyun’s seeped in through the cracks in the door.  _

 

_ “he’s crashing! get dr. kim in here now!” the scream of another nurse made the woman’s face pale, and jaehyun was suddenly filled with dread. she gave him a stern look and a soft “stay here, please?” before opening the door to join the nurses at the other room, her face closed off as soon as she entered the chaos. _

 

_ “he’s going into cardiac arrest! where is he?” another nurse yelled, and that’s when jaehyun knew he had to move. ignoring the dizzying sensation as he sat up, he pulled himself out bed, taking several staggering steps towards the cracked door.  _

_ he nudged the door open with his foot, ignoring the cold tiled floor as he continued to move forward, the stone of dread only growing in his stomach as he did so. he wasn’t expecting to see what he saw next. _

 

_ the scrubs the nurses were wearing were all bloodstained, their gloves maroon as they moved back and forth like ants in a colony under crisis. bile rose in his throat as one of them moved away from the patient lying on the hospital bed, revealing a battered, bloodied figure that didn’t even resemble the joyful man he had been with several hours ago. _

 

_ “doctor!” one of the nurses said to the harried man jogging towards, gesturing wildly to the machines tracking jungwoo’s vitals from the doorway. jaehyun could hear the way that the machines were bleating, alerting everyone in the vicinity that something was going wrong. _

 

* * *

 

“johnny.” his voice was soft as he held the phone tightly, knuckles turning white as he moved away from the window, taking a seat on his battered, well-loved sofa.

 

“i... wanted to check in on you.” johnny’s voice was thick over the phone, and jaehyun’s heart clenched tightly. 

 

that voice only appeared after johnny cried, and jaehyun could only sit there silently. what could he say to the man he loved unconditionally? he settled for basic answers, trying not to let himself become upset. not while johnny knew how emotionally sensitive he was and how 

 

“i’m fine. how about you, johnny?” jaehyun knew that those words would hurt the other, and as if on cue, johnny inhaled sharply.

 

“i... miss you.” johnny managed to say, and jaehyun felt nastily superior; of course he missed him. 

 

“johnny-” jaehyun started to say, and johnny cut him off. 

 

“please come back to me, jaehyun. let’s talk this out. please.” his voice was trembling, and jaehyun felt his heart clench. johnny had always been one of his weaknesses, just like-

 

he paused, painful memories snapping to life in the back of his mind like firecrackers.

 

“we have nothing to discuss, johnny. i’ll call you when i’m ready to talk to you about what you did. i don’t need to remember what i caught you and doyoung doing. goodbye.” 

 

and with that, he ended the call, tossed his phone on the couch and got up to stare out the window once more, the sound of raindrops spilling onto the balcony outside doing nothing to calm the internal tempest in his mind. 


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jaehyun has a talk with taeyong and does something impulsive.

_he’s silent._

 

_taeyong is too._

 

_no words are spoken between them, even as the homely atmosphere of the cafe is nudging at them to exchange pleasantries. there’s nothing pleasant about the situation at hand, and the both of them know it._

 

_“tell me the truth, taeyong. you’re his best friend- you know everything about him.” jaehyun says softly, his voice frigid. taeyong shrinks in his chair, his eyes darting back and forth, avoiding jaehyun’s steady gaze at all costs._

 

_“i said i didn’t want to get involved,” he begins to say, but falls silent as jaehyun’s eyes pierce into his. jaehyun likes taeyong- he’s a good guy, someone that didn’t deserve to be in this situation._

 

_then again, neither did jaehyun._

 

_“it’s too late for that,” jaehyun fights to keep his voice from breaking, swallowing hard. he takes a half-hearted sip of the tepid drink sitting in front of him, not even tasting the bitterness of the coffee, too numb from what he had heard the night before. “if you know what’s going on, you have to tell me. he’s your friend, but he’s sleeping with_ **_my_ ** _boyfriend.” his voice becomes icy once more, body tensing in apprehension._

 

_“doyoung didn’t mean to sleep with him. i- it was an accident.” taeyong says, discomfort obvious on his face as he kept his voice low, almost as if doyoung was sitting at the table alongside them._

 

_“dropping something is an accident. so is forgetting to buy something for someone. sleeping with someone can’t be an accident.” jaehyun sneers, nerves twisting his guts into knots._

 

_“doyoung has been having a rough time with taeil- you know, since…” taeyong falls silent again, the unspoken words obvious to jaehyun even if there wasn’t a sound to accompany them._

 

_everyone in their (his, johnny’s, and jungwoo’s) circle of acquaintances knew that moon taeil, the once cheerful and loving eldest member of the group, blamed himself for the accident that took jungwoo’s life._

 

_“go on.” jaehyun murmurs, formulating a plan in his mind._

 

_“he and taeil have been arguing non-stop. doyoung went to johnny to ask for advice because, you know, he’s good at advice, and then... they slept together.” taeyong stares down at the table, lips burning as if he’s held a lighter right up to them with the truth he’s been forced to tell._

_ jaehyun nods, pushing himself away from the table to stand. taeyong ignores him leaving, choosing instead to hold his head in his hands. _

 

_ as he walks away, taeyong’s head jerks up, eyes glittering with an unknown emotion as he says, loud enough for him to hear, _

 

_ “is he really your boyfriend, jung yoonoh?” _

 

_ and with that, jaehyun lets the cafe door shut behind him and his eyes close, forbidding the tears gathering in them from falling. _

 

* * *

 

the sound of a knock against his front door roused jaehyun from his rain-gazing, feet padding towards the disturbance heavily. this was going to be difficult, he mused, fingers wrapping around the doorknob as he unlocked the door.

“hi, jaehyun.” taeil smiled hesitantly at him, holding a bag of food tightly.

then again, jaehyun thought to himself as he moved out of the way, taking the bags from the older man’s hands so he could remove his shoes and step inside his lion’s den, the prey unaware of the attack the lion was preparing.

jung jaehyun had never considered himself as innocent.

and now, he never would.

not when he was exacting his revenge on doyoung in the best way he knew how.

* * *

 

 

_“wait, jaehyun, wait.” taeil's voice is soft yet firm, and jaehyun feels his already damaged heart crack more, guts twisting in agony as he clings to him._

_“don't do this. don't hurt yourself like this.” taeil's lips brush against his, and jaehyun wants to curl into himself. however, he stays there in his arms, tangling himself around him._

_“he doesn't love me, taeil. he will never see me as he did jungwoo. he can fuck me and still be my friend, so why's this any different?” the words burn his tongue like bile as jaehyun shifts forward, chasing after taeil's lips desperately._

_almost as desperately as he wanted johnny to love him back._

 

**_“just love me right now the way i want to love him forever.”_ **

_And with that, how could taeil protest? he nods slowly, lips trembling as he slots his mouth against his, trying hard to ignore how wrong it feels and lets jaehyun take what he needs from him; after all, how can he complain?_

_jaehyun is good looking, kind, and willing to share his affection with him, even if it’s fleeting._

_and it’s not like doyoung or johnny will figure out that this happened… right?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!! i know this is an EXTREMELY LATE update and for that, i'm so sorry. writer's block + work + job hunting don't really allow me get into the mood to write, but my new friends in a very special group chat on twitter and my beloved sara have inspired me to continue writing this, and i'm so grateful that they have. this story needs to be told, and i want everyone to have an insight to the mind of each member of the trio that was so tragically broken up in the origin story of this series. if you guys want to talk about this series, this fic in particular or anything else, find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/seothighs) or [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/seothighs)!

**Author's Note:**

> hello. welcome back to the christmas memories universe. this fic is set 6 months after christmas memories, and there have been many things that have happened to our dear protagonists throughout that period of time. this will be updated when i can, but it will not have many chapters and it will resolve itself in a positive way. jaehyun and johnny have been through a lot so please don't forget that while reading. if you liked this, please do let me know on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/seothighs) or my [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/seothighs).


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